STOKING UP FOR MIRACLE THRASH? WE CAN'T LOOK EITHER!

Bazball purists face big Test of head over heart today... after India set them a 608-run Mission Impossible

- BY MIKE WALTERS

IN the land of strangled vowels - where a 'kipper tie' means putting the kettle on for a brew - a watched pot never boils.

England's pursuit of a world-record run chase at Edgbaston is not going to happen.

And if the Bazball cavaliers become born-again converts to digging in for a draw overnight, they had better go about it with more care than their stumble into the Birmingham twilight.

Set 608 in 108 overs to win the second Test, they lost both openers and Joe Root before they had even made it out of the starting blocks.

Nominally, at 72-3 England need another 536 runs today, but even the Barmy Army trumpeter in the riffraff stand realised the Great Escape theme was too upbeat after a day of pure carnage.

To regain the Ashes in a distant land this winter, England will need to dig in and chisel out a draw when the chips are down. But that penny hasn't dropped yet - it’s stuck in the slot machine.