On goldengrove unleaving

Learning to Make Tea for One by Andaleeb Wajid, a memoir about losing loved ones in the pandemic, is powerful, poignant and honest

- Syed Saad Ahmed

There are perhaps few emotions as universal, yet as little-discussed, as grief. Although religions have built extensive rituals around death and mourning, they are not as preoccupied with coming to grips with grief, relegating this to the realm of the personal.

While they do provide structure and direction at a time when everything seems unmoored, grief largely remains an individual struggle and many have to create anew ways to process their loss or help a grieving person. When grief becomes a collective emotion, it can be even more incapacitating.

This was the case during the summer of 2021 in India. As the Covid-19 pandemic’s deadly second wave swept the country, almost everyone knew someone who died or was on the verge of death. Hospitals, graveyards and crematoriums ran out of space, and bodies piled up. Amid the strict lockdown and social distancing norms, rituals and coping mechanisms, such as spending time with loved ones, became impossible.

Like many traumatic events affecting millions across India — the demonetisation of high-value notes in 2016, which led to financial difficulties; the daily-wage labourers walking for hundreds of miles after the sudden imposition of lockdown in 2020 — there seems to be a collective amnesia, or perhaps a wilful forgetting, around these events. This is understandable to some extent. Life moves on and it can be difficult and unproductive to dwell on the past. And yet, there is value in memorialising such events and ensuring a collective reckoning. This can help provide closure and reduce the chances of our repeating past mistakes.