'It's like Nelson turning up to Trafalgar a week late'

Shadow armed forces minister Mark Francois said: “It’s like Nelson turning up to Trafalgar a week late.”

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THERE'S nothing quite like a major global conflict to get MPs riled. Battle lines have been quickly drawn since the Middle East crisis erupted and, as you would expect, there's a Left-Right divide.

Those backing “Inaction Man” Sir Keir Starmer, or those demanding a faster, more full-blooded response to an attack on an RAF base.

This was on full display during a partisan PMQs - especially on Tory benches where apoplectic doesn't even begin to describe it.

To give you a sense of the level of Conservative animosity towards the Prime Minister I’m going to use my own version of the US Military DEFCON alert system. Five is the least angry, with one being the most...

DEFCON 5: James Cleverly - angry, yes, but bantery kind of angry.

DEFCON 4: Chris Philp - ticked off for being too loud by Speaker Lindsay Hoyle.

Incandescent

DEFCON 3: James Cartlidge - his usual milky white complexion turned to puce.

DEFCON 2: Priti Patel - her scowl could take down errant drones.

DEFCON 1: Andrew Bowie - poor man was incandescent with rage. I'm surprised he didn't explode.

Quite where Tory leader Kemi Badenoch was on the scale is beyond anyone's guess.

Eyes gleaming, she seemed to take great joy in slamming Sir Keir for being "pathetic" and "weak", before mocking Labour backbenchers as "orcs and goons". Nah, me neither!