Have you ever met A RELAXED WOMAN?

Psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs shares the benefits of cultivating a laid-back mindset

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Most women's to-do lists are so extensive that the term 'relaxed woman' sounds like an oxymoron. I spent much of my adult life as the opposite of a relaxed woman. My days were a blur of stress, anxiety and exhaustion. I wasn't like this as a little girl. I was sensitive, curious, playful and wild. Resting came naturally. There was no shame in slowing down. But somewhere between girlhood and womanhood, I started basing my self-worth on who I pleased and how much I achieved. As I absorbed society's message of what a 'good girl' and 'successful woman' should be - self-controlled, self-silencing and self-sacrificing - I lost touch with my inner wisdom, my intuitive voice, my authenticity.

I started living as if I were a machine. I overworked, traded sleep for productivity and stayed compulsively busy. There was a time in my late 20s when I'd leave the house before sunrise, drive two hours to one of my jobs at a professional soccer club, return to teach yoga classes, visit my dad who was having chemotherapy and finish the day by studying into the night to become a psychologist. I was exhausted but pretended I was fine. Until one day, I couldn't pretend any more.

I began experiencing episodes of sleeplessness, migraines, mental fatigue and physical exhaustion, as well as irregular periods and gastrointestinal problems — all warning signs of burnout.

Becoming free

Over the next few years, I explored a more relaxed way of being. I allowed myself to rest - to nap, read fiction, wander by the ocean, potter in the garden, bake banana bread, play board games. I set stronger work boundaries and enjoyed slower, spacious, intentionally unproductive weekends.