THE TRUTH ABOUT WORKPLACE 'FAMILIES'

How to navigate workplaces where warm, embracing, and familial language disguises power, hierarchy and unsafe dynamics

- Aarushi Ahluwalia

DURING THE FIRST week of work at my first job, I went to my boss with a concern about a colleague with whom I had had an uncomfortable interaction.

Earlier that week, she had given me a warm welcome and assured me that I could always go to her about anything because we were like 'family'. But, when I approached her with my problem with the coworker, she reminded me of the importance of being a 'team player' and warned me that complaining could ruin my career.

Over time I learnt that my experience was not uncommon. I had taken my manager at face value, but the welcoming overtone was ambiguous by design. Organizations that adopt familial language are everywhere in the corporate world. Yet they are also notorious for adopting many of the same structures as dysfunctional families that seek to protect the sanctity of the collective over safety of the individual.

When my boss claimed that complaining about a team member would alienate me, I should have known it was the same as a grandmother urging me to protect the reputation of the family by brushing an uncle's inappropriate behaviour under the carpet. The result is a combination of blurred boundaries, emotional manipulation and burnout. So if you do find yourself in such an environment, how do you navigate it?

USE THE RIGHT CHANNELS—WITHOUT FEAR

“The job of a manager is to get the most work out of you,” says Amit Vasishta, an industry veteran and HR consultant for Cepheid. “When you complain about someone in the organization to a reporting head, it presents them with a conflict. Instead, approach HR, because they are aware of boundary issues and have systems to deal with them.”