What Will People Think of Me?

No one likes being judged, but sometimes the fear of judgment goes so deep that it holds us back from living life to the fullest

- By DIANE STARK, Brazil, Indiana

I set my paper plate of tacos on the folding table in our church fellowship hall and smiled at the woman who'd made them for the six families in our life group that Tuesday. "Thanks for cooking dinner tonight," I said, hoping my words didn't sound forced. "Fall is such a busy time." My husband Eric and I had gone to this church for eight years now. We felt comfortable here. Yet we'd never joined any group, Bible study, nothing. We'd kept our distance in that respect. Or at least I had.

My 15-year-old son, Nathan, sat at a table with the other teens in the group. I overheard one of them say, "You have brothers and sisters?"

I held my breath, wondering how Nathan would respond. But he simply said, “I have two brothers and two sisters, but they’re older than I am. I’m the only one who still lives at home.”

I exhaled with relief. And yet that voice I could never completely silence persisted in whispering, What will people think if they knew? What will they say?

Eric and I had been happily married for 17 years after difficult first marriages. We'd each brought two kids to our marriage, then had Nathan together. Being divorced wasn't some big scandal. I knew that. Unfortunately, it was all too common. And yet I lived in fear that if the people at church knew, they'd treat me differently. That I'd be judged. Found wanting. I wanted so badly to feel truly part of a church family, to feel as if I belonged. But there was part of me that just couldn't risk opening up. And that was the whole point of a life group, wasn't it?