Those old-time blues

How to make sure you thrive, not simply survive, a later-in-life divorce.

- By SUSAN HELY

Ending a relationship in your senior years comes with its own set of challenges. My mother, Rosemary, had a 'silver' divorce, a late-life split with my dad after 43 years of marriage. She was 67 years old.

Divorce at any age is difficult but it can be devastating when you are older. It wasn't feasible for Rosemary to go back to work to pay her bills.

Silver divorces, or marriage breakdowns for the over 50s, are on the rise. Nearly one in three divorces involves someone aged 50 and older.

There are many reasons why this age group grows apart. The kids leave home and it turns out that they were the glue that kept the parents together. There can be financial motives such as an inheritance on the horizon for one partner that they don't want to share.

In my dad's case, he fell in love with someone else and went on to start a family in his sixties. It turns out it had been going on for a decade, while he was still married to my mother, and I think he waited until his own mother had passed away to avoid her disapproval.

Ignoring the red flags

Older people in second marriages are twice as likely to divorce over the age of 50, with around 60% of those second marriages ending in divorce often because they are grappling with blended families or greater financial challenges.

There were plenty of red flags for Rosemary, but she didn't do anything about them. She was unprepared when Dad announced he had a second family and that their marriage was over. He told Rosemary that he had a plan for her and it involved her leaving the family home so he could move in his new family. She would be receiving an amount of money that he had decided was 'enough'.

Remarkably, she was so shocked, as we all were, that she went along with his plans. I took her to divorce lawyers, but my father threatened her with 'you'll never get a cent' if you use a lawyer, and she just wilted.