How to Handle It

Experts weigh in with advice for your social dilemmas.

- Illustration by Meredith Jensen

The Dilemma

I was out to brunch with a group of very close friends when, eeks, one of the girls accidentally knocked over her water glass—into another friend’s brand-new high-end designer purse, damaging the lining and exterior. She says the manufacturer told her it will be almost $800 to repair the purse. The owner is demanding the money from the friend. All of us are surprised and devastated! Should the clumsy friend pay the $800? What’s the fairest resolution? —Betsy

The Advice

Demanding a friend cover the full cost without discussion feels like it goes against friendship etiquette! They need to have a candid conversation, and the way I see it, there are a few options.

1. Clumsy Casey says no and pays $0. This would likely irreparably damage the friendship.

2. Clumsy Casey pays the $800, if she is in a financial position to do so. She’d have to offer to do this though; it can’t be a bill issued by Handbag Heather. Otherwise this will still likely irreparably damage the friendship.

3. Clumsy Casey and Handbag Heather split the cost. A shared-cost solution that both parties agree to is likely the most socially “fair” resolution.

Clumsy Casey should take some accountability, but Handbag Heather also needs to recognize that bringing her designer bag into a restaurant naturally opens her luxury item to risk. If she can’t stomach the potential consequences, she should wear a more economical bag instead. Honestly, I’d hope both friends value their relationship more than a bag.

—VIVIAN TU

The Dilemma