why i left

In her new book, Torn, Nicole Madigan asks women why they left or stayed in their troubled relationships. In the story of Anna, she discovers that the hardest part of walking away isn’t heartache, it’s survival.

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ANNA AND NATHAN ARE AS INSEPARABLE AS you can be at 12 years old, catching up at school and walking home together. For the next couple of years, they enjoy the kind of bubblegum romance youth brings.

By 1964, Anna is 14, and she’s made plans to leave school the following year. Nathan's parents have different ideas for him. They believe he’s too young for such a serious relationship. He will continue with school, and he will do so without any distractions, including a girl with large breasts who plans to drop out at 15. So, Anna and Nathan make a pact. They will break up, and if they still feel the same way about each other when they are 16, they'll get back together and plan their future.

A few weeks before Anna’s 16th birthday she hears the sound of the phone ringing. She hasn't turned 16 yet, but Nathan has. Hearing his voice is strange but familiar. After a few moments of awkwardness, they talk as if no time has passed.

Annaand Nathan aren't just a couple in love, they're one of those couples. The ones who are a bit more special than the others, who try a bit harder, who love a bit stronger. At least, that’s how they feel.

When Anna is 17, she and Nathan become engaged. There isn’t a grand proposal. No diamond ring hidden in a fizzy pink drink. Nathan doesn’t get down on one knee. It is simply a decision and a conversation about when they will get married.

The sun is shining brightly when Anna wakes on the morning of their wedding day.

Her dress is white and voluminous - she made it herself, sewing a trail of tiny daisies along the front. Anna experiences the day as though she is watching it unfold from outside her own body. Everything looks perfect.