How to Navigate Your First Queer Date

Because prepping for a date is nerve-wracking enough.

- Lois Shearing

Going on your first date is a milestone experience; it’s as intimidating as it is exciting. But, that delicious mix of anxiety and excitement is something you only get to experience once, right? After all, how many times can you go on a first date?

Well, if you’re queer - the answer might be ‘more than once’. While not a universal queer experience - especially as more people are able to come out and be themselves at younger ages - many of us went on our first date as a version of ourselves that didn’t reflect who we really are, or who we really love. After we’ve come out (and many of us have several “coming outs” as our understanding of ourselves develops), we get to experience the magic of going on our first date all over again.

But dating as a queer person can be tricky - particularly as there’s no social script for how a date is supposed to go. While rules of dating may be outdated, we often ask ourselves, if there are two boys or no boys, who’s supposed to ask out who? If you’ve previously been on “straight” dates (although, it’s important to remember that dates between people of different genders aren’t necessarily straight), it can feel even more scary to jump into the world of queer dating.

“Queer dating can sometimes be more intense and there often aren’t as many unspoken ‘rules’ as there are for non-queer dating,” says Milly Evans, a queer sex educator and author of HONEST: Everything They Don’t Tell