RICHARD PORTER

Navigating the absurd world of used car ads makes buying new seem sane, reckons Porter

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THERE'S A PARTICULAR KIND OF ONLINE CAR Man who delights in giving obtusely useless answers to car-buying dilemmas. They reply to a question about dog-friendly family wagons by suggesting a Subaru BRZ because of its handling, tell someone considering an MX-5 that they should look at early Continental GTs, or insist your elderly grandmother is wasting her time looking at Yarises and should seriously think about a Caterham. You know the sort. And one of the things that gets them raging like Martin Lewis on overboost is the notion of buying a brand-new car. Or, worse still, financing one.

Some of this self-righteousness is justified, because it doesn’t take a keen fiscal mind to know that unless you’re buying a GMA T.50s or the next limited-run 911, a box-fresh car is going to shed value faster than bananas and bog roll.

‘Why on earth does ANYONE buy a new car?’ the Online Car Men rage. A more financially prudent route, they point out, would be to take the money you've saved for the full price or the down payment on a PCP and use it to buy a second-hand car outright. Which is fine, but it does mean you'll have to browse secondhand car adverts. And that’s a minefield, not because you risk buying something that a stranger has redlined from cold and farted in with abandon, but because of the state of some online car ads.