Why We Need Negotiation

William Ury is an author, anthropologist, and one of the world's leading negotiators and mediators. He has spent his life building bridges in conflict situations and teaching other people how to do the same. His book, Getting to Yes, is a worldwide best seller, and is translated into thirty-five languages. In part 2 of his interview by Guila Clara Kessous, William speaks about what causes conflict, how men and women bring different qualities to negotiation, and how conflict resolution has evolved.

- By Guila Clara Kessous. Photography by Diva Plavalaguna

Q: What are the most common stereotypes we see today in conflicts?

What is behind all the conflicts around the world? They are each very different, but behind almost all of them is a feeling of scarcity, that there isn't enough. And behind that scarcity – if you go deeper - there is a sense that we are all separate. There is no sense of the interconnection that you were talking about, Guila; we are all separate little parties, and there isn't enough. In this worldview, the only way we satisfy our interests is by engaging in a win-lose battle.

Those are the stereotypes behind conflicts: scarcity, separation, and the win-lose mindset.

And what's required of us to make a paradigmatic shift is to realize that, in fact, quite possibly there is no scarcity. Of course, there is scarcity in one sense, but there may be enough for everyone, just like in the story of the camels. We are not separate; we are interconnected. We are in that story the whole family, the brothers, right? And we are all one in the human family. What's then required is to shift the mindset from win-lose. We shift it not only to win-win, which has become a phrase popularized by Getting to Yes, but we need a third win. We need a win not just for both sides of a conflict, but a win for the whole. We need a win for the community. We need a win for the world. We need a win for the world's environment. We need the triple win. That's the new game we need to learn to play.

Q: And this triple win includes the possibility and the willingness to get out of the conflicts. Is that correct? It means that the two parties are not so in love with their conflict. That is, they accept to take a step back and go to the balcony.