The myth of THE FRAGILE HEART

SHAI TUBALI helps us understand the value of keeping the heart open, vulnerable and willing to experience whatever challenges life gives us, without becoming defensive and closing the heart.

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Your mind cannot tell the difference between “vulnerable” and “breakable.” It thinks it is obvious that if you are vulnerable you are also breakable. Since this sounds logical enough, your mind chooses the strategy of remaining invulnerable as much as possible.

Of course, your mind only wants to protect you, as its main role is to keep you safe in a world full of dangers. It registers moments when you were vulnerable and, as a result, became deeply disappointed, rejected, betrayed, or abandoned. This left you not just with an unbearable pain but also with a profound sense of weakness.

We are all afraid of being weak. It is a survival instinct: we must not show that we are powerless and defenseless in a hostile and overpowering environment. To conceal this weakness, we put on armor, a thick layer of protection with which we defend our vulnerable heart. This is why we become hard and sometimes react quickly to insults or criticism with anger, hatred, and vengefulness, and harbor grudges.

Your mind strives to become so strong and impenetrable that you will never be harmed or feel pain. To achieve this impregnable condition, it surrounds the heart with a protective wall. This wall is not just a metaphor – you could easily sense it in your chest as a thick layer separating you from the environment and protecting your fragile true being. This wall is not necessarily such a bad idea. If you have no coping mechanism for intense emotions and profound disappointments, it is perhaps wise to keep a thick protective layer around your heart. However, in light of our knowledge of the powers of the heart, we should reexamine this strategy: Does it really work? Do we actually feel safer when our hearts are closed?