Let's Cosy Up To Challenge 'Love'

Intimate relationships without social recognition is gaining ground in many cities of the country

- Anisha Reddy

HARISH Chandran was married when he first realised that he was attracted to the idea of having romantic relationships with multiple partners. Not just him, but his wife too. They wanted to move through the relationship escalator—together and with each other’s consent. But being in love with more than one person at the same time is perhaps one of the last existing taboos of our times. “But there were a few who became part of our chosen family who are currently our strongest allies,” Chandran says. For Chandran, and many others, small, independent communities like The Intimate Circle (TIC) and Bangalore Polycules help challenge the singularity of this thing called love.

To put a name to such a relationship—these feelings are mirrored in polyamory. Some call it ‘poly’ or ‘many’. But the basic idea is just more love, Chandran says. In fact, it has now grown to include ‘consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy’ to differentiate it from what it is often misunderstood for—a committed couple in an open relationship where each is allowed to experiment independent of the relationship every now and then.

Conversations around polyamory are often filled with discomfort, misconceptions and grave suspicion despite the growing openness facilitated by the rise in social media discussions. Chandran has been openly polyamorous for four years, which didn’t come easy. “The lack of freedom and the undue pressure from the society around, be it peers/friends/ family, was something that we were not okay with,” Chandran says. They even got a divorce, just to make a statement to society that genuine bonds transcend legal bindings. “We didn’t need law to tell us that we can be together and to be there for each other,” he recalls.