The List

After two divorces, did I really know what I wanted in a relationship? Did I even know who I needed to be?

- KATHERINE HUTCHINSON-HAYES

I pulled myself onto the bathroom counter so I could see my face in the mirror close-up. Red-rimmed eyes. Runny nose. Cheeks streaked with mascara. The next time you get to thinking you want a man in your life, I told myself, remember this. Remember how miserable you are.

I held up my bare finger, the one that had once boasted a gorgeous diamond ring. Divorced. For the second time. I was a woman of accomplishment, a school principal. Mother to two beautiful girls. Yet I was a magnet for men who were not what they seemed. Why couldn’t I get marriage right?

That morning, my lawyer had called to tell me my divorce was finalized. I had known it was coming, but the emotions that boiled up surprised me. Anger. Shame. Confusion. I didn’t want the girls to see me like this. I dropped them off at my sitter’s house. Then I retreated to my bathroom and proceeded to have an epic pity party.

“God, do you even love me?” I choked out. “How could you let this happen to me again? Don’t you care about my children? Our happiness?”