You meet up, and you keep hooking up, until one day, after months of text deciphering and friend consults, you have the big Define the Relationship Talk. Then you’ve passed Go—you have an Official Boyfriend.

That may be how relationships traditionally go, but lately, more women are forgoing one DTR talk and instead having several mini talks about relationship status on the way to coupledom. “I’ve had mini talks going into my last six relationships,” says Chelsea, a 27-year-old public-health scientist. “I don’t rush straight to boyfriend and girlfriend. I’ve had smaller talks about whether we want to keep seeing each other, if we’re sleeping with anyone else, and if we should deactivate our online-dating accounts, all before we made it official. Breaking it down into smaller steps means that final convo isn’t so scary.”