Mind Your Manners

Charlotte Hays and Gayden Metcalfe, the expert hostesses and authors of the Pastel Trilogy, lend their resourceful approach to common Turkey Day dilemmas.

- Charlotte Hays And Gayden Metcalfe

YOU’VE PUT OUT YOUR BEST china, crystal, and polished silver, created a no-fail seating chart, and gotten the timeline for serving your feast down to an impressive two minutes flat—so what could possibly go wrong? Well, plenty. Google “Thanksgiving disaster,” and you will find more than 2 million results. Our favorite fiasco was the family cat found dozing atop the sweet potato casserole on the serving buffet. A quick-thinking hostess did exactly what we would have recommended: She calmly shooed away the offending feline, did a little scraping, and pretended nothing happened. She probably had plenty of leftover sweet potato casserole, but she did not create any unnecessary drama.

We have three simple rules for taking control of holiday faux pas that can save any gathering from becoming a dreaded “Thanksgiving disaster.” Rule one: As a host or hostess, your primary job—nay, your calling—is to ensure that every guest feels comfortable and has a good time. Conversely, a guest’s duty is to make the host’s life easier by being friendly and well behaved. Rule two: In the service of rule one, just about anything else is permissible, including a little white lie if necessary. For instance, we’d advise the aforementioned hostess to deny seeing any stray cat hair on the casserole. Rule three: Don’t lose your sense of humor in the mad dash to do things right. This is just another way of saying “Keep your perspective.” If you can bear in mind that a holiday mishap is just that—a mishap and not War and Peace—you will be the perfect host in an imperfect world. You should also remember that the whole point of a holiday meal is to have a good time with your guests. Read on for more of our advice that will help you through 13 typical—but trying—holiday situations with grace and wit.

ETIQUETTE CHALLENGE NO. 1