Worlds as Bridges an interview with Debbie Urbanski

CIC: In “The Thread,” the concept of soul mates is taken to a pretty chilling extreme. Why do you think this concept can be so damaging? What kind of power can be found in not “living the life everyone expects you to live”?

DU: I think any concept that is applied equally to everyone is probably damaging. Because that assumes we’re all alike and that we all want the same thing. If you don’t want that thing, then you have to pretend to want it to be considered normal. Nowadays, thank goodness, we’ve become a lot more accepting of many of our differences. Yet with love and romance, we still seem to apply this one storyline to everybody’s life: you meet someone, you kiss etc., you fall in love, and you live happily ever after with them. How many times do we hear that story, in songs, movies, fairy tales, books, by the time we grow up? Not everybody wants that particular story, but it’s really hard to exist outside of a narrative that’s everywhere. It’s hard to feel normal and good if you’re not part of the story. On the other hand, it’s hard to pretend to be someone you’re not. It takes up so much energy. And it only gets harder the longer you do it. I don’t think it’s sustainable.

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So I think it’s important, if you aren’t fitting into a story that’s everywhere, that you break out of that story and make up a different one—which is what the narrator finally does in “The Thread.” She decides to live how she wants to live, true to who she is. That’s the first step in changing the world, you know: to be who you are, not who others think you are. If you want to fall in love with a lot of people, go ahead. If you don’t want to fall in love with anybody, then don’t. Tell others, “You know, what I’m doing, this is normal too. It’s normal for me.” Forget about the fairy tales. Or better yet, write your own.

CIC: Your narrator finds healing and affirmation in her friendship with Hazel. What makes their relationship so important? What kinds of relationships do you want to see more of in media?