I'm Not A Man, I'm Not A Woman

Soli Philander tells how after his divorce he had a breakthrough moment when he finally understood and embraced his true sexuality.

- Colin Hendricks

THEY had one of the strongest and seemingly happiest relationships in showbiz. In interviews Soli Philander sang his wife Toni’s praises – after more than 30 years together she was far more than his spouse, he said, she was his soulmate. Nobody understood him better than she did.

Which was why everyone was shocked when out of the blue in 2015 the well known TV and theatre personality walked out of the marriage. Now two years later the 56-year-old is willing to talk for the first time about the decision that stunned friends, family and fans.

He’s finally the Soli Philander he’s always wanted to be, he tells us in an exclusive interview. It’s taken him almost a lifetime of soul-searching and at last he can express it in words: “I’m non-binary,” he tells us.

Although for 33 years he was in a committed relationship with Toni he was open about the fact that in the past he’d had relationships with both men and women. This led many of those closest to him to assume he was bisexual – but the truth was far more complicated.

“It’s exciting to get to a space where I can identify with my true self. This is who I am. I’m not a man. I’m not a woman. I’m Soli, and I’m not going to apologise for that any more.”

By identifying as non-binary it means that he sees himself as neither male nor female (see box on opposite page). It’s hard for Soli to explain because he’s still working it all out, but his body language and face is clear: he’s happy.

He had his big breakthrough moment two weeks before our interview while driving his car. The dread locked comedian tells us he has one of his kids to thank for getting him out of his bisexual “box”.