Learning To Say No

Boundaries are critical for a fulfilling life, but many of us struggle with creating and asserting healthy ones.

- Gugulethu Mhlungu

I ’ve been an Oprah Winfrey fan for many years, and have watched many of her interviews. One of my favourite conversations was one she did in 2000 on learning how to say no. In it she said: “I was 40 years old when I learnt to say no because I was consumed by the disease to please. The word yes would be out of my mouth before I even knew it. Having a history of abuse also meant a history of not being able to set boundaries. Once your personal boundaries have been violated as a child, it’s difficult to regain the courage to stop people from stepping on you.” Her “aha moment” resonated with me because I’ve always struggled with saying no. This is because, much like Oprah and many other women, I was conditioned to believe that girls and women have little to no right to boundaries. How often have you smiled or attempted to placate an aggressive stranger because you were afraid of what they might do, even though you felt uncomfortable? We quickly learn