When your husband retires before you, and doesn't want to 'unretire'

Things can get complicated at home when couples share different views on retirement.

- Sumiko Tan

"Honey, let me have some enjoyment first."

I couldn't see my husband's face in the dark. But his tone was verging on impatience. I bit my tongue, turned away from him and kept my mouth shut.

Earlier, while waiting for him to join me in bed, I went job hunting - for him.

MyCareers Future, Jobstreet, Careers@Gov, LinkedIn - I was furiously scrolling through these sites and messaging him links to job openings.

When he finally plonked himself down next to me, my brain was racing and I was wide awake. I was ready to discuss my suggestions with him.

But he switched off the lights and settled down to sleep.

My attempts to get him to talk about his next career move drew the irritated response.

It wasn't the first time I'd tried to engage him on this subject.

In the months before H retired as a teacher on his 63rd birthday in July, I'd spent a lot of time looking at job advertisements. But the links I sent to his phone remained largely unread.

You could say we view retirement differently.

For him, it is a well-deserved break after nearly four decades of working life, stretches of which he didn't particularly enjoy.

The way he sees it, he has a limited number of healthy years left, physically and mentally. He doesn't want to be stricken by an illness and regret not having chased his dreams.

He knows how he wants to spend his retirement.

One is to play chess full-time.

The game has been a lifetime obsession and he intends to take the time to study it seriously, play in overseas tournaments to raise his rating, and make it to the World Senior Chess Championship for the over-65s.

In between, he wants to go backpacking off the beaten track.

Backpacking because he needs to "live within my means", as he puts it, and also because he's always fancied the idea of being an adventurer.

I, on the other hand, view retirement as akin to a death sentence.