Teaching men to be better dads

The Centre for Fathering marks 25 years of striving to help S'pore fathers be more involved in their children's lives

- Stephanie Yeo

Growing up, Mr Edwin Choy never felt safe when his father was at home, fearful that he would be drunk and become violent.

"I was determined to be a good father," says Mr Choy, who was 26 and working as a pastor when his first child was born.

"Being a good father meant not being an alcoholic, but then I turned out to be a workaholic. I missed a good chunk of my first two children's toddlerhood, and it became a huge fight between me and my wife back then."

In the mid-1990s, he uprooted his family to pursue graduate education at Abilene Christian University in Texas. During his stint there, he signed up for a five-day fathering course that changed his life.

He learnt from American fathering expert Ken Canfield of the National Center for Fathering how fatherlessness affects children's lives, putting them at a higher risk of poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, mental health issues, delinquency and lower academic scores.

Under Dr Canfield's ICAN fathering programme, Mr Choy and other men learnt to be involved in meaningful activities with their children, be more aware of what went on in their lives and nurture love through actions.

The latter, in particular, stood in stark contrast to the Asian trope of a father as a provider and punisher, feared rather than loved.

"Fathers were caught in the trap of being viewed as the disciplinarian, but research showed that there are tremendous benefits when fathers become nurturers. So, I wanted to find a way to start a non-profit to address fatherlessness in Singapore," recalls Mr Choy, now 63 and a coach and trainer.

His four children are now aged between 27 and 36. His wife, also in her 60s, works in special needs education.