Using 'dad defence' for bad behaviour is hard to swallow

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST TIME DAD OF TWINS

- RICHARD IRVINE

Have you washed your hands?" Victoria enquired from afar, sensing a child had gone to the toilet somewhere in the home.

Only their mother can monitor them from wherever she may be, like an owl on a perch tracking an innocent mouse across a field, before it strikes, and questions them on personal hygiene.

“Daddy doesn't always wash his," was Emma's reply, telling me two things.

Firstly, she hadn't and secondly, it was time for me to defend myself, so I went in strong.

“How dare you, I'm a model citizen when it comes to personal hygiene,” I replied, and Emma countered with a list of times I didn't on the wooded trail.

Victoria was listening intently trying to judge whether my shortcomings were to blame for our inability to manage her, so I explained it was difficult to find a sink and handwash on a wooded trail.