Is Trump's visit to Scotland on course to be a disaster?

Hundreds of guards, high perimeter fences, watchtowers... no, it's not Alligator Alcatraz but a corner of rural Ayrshire, where Donald Trump owns a little golf course.

- SEAN O'GRADY

After the eagle has landed, he will be enjoying a little downtime before heading off to his other international links, up in Aberdeenshire. That's the Trump International as some recently installed unofficial signage wittily added, “Twinned with Epstein Island”.

Anyway, he’s overpaid, oversexed, and over here, and he’s going to get a mixed reception.

Will he meet the King?

Not on this occasion. Inexplicably, the environmentally conscious, vaguely progressive monarch won’t be at Balmoral, so handy for the Trump International course. Therefore, not even a plate of Duchy Original oatcakes will be laid on for the 47th president by His Majesty. Instead, the King and Queen will be sequestered at Windsor Castle, phone off the hook.

However, the red carpet, tiaras and gold plate will be on full ostentatious royal display when Trump returns for his full state visit, his second, from 17 to 19 September. Even Trump should be impressed by the quantity of gilt, solid silver and precious jewels he’ll be surrounded by. It’ll be just like the redecorated Oval Office, but less gaudy.