Vital to talk about what would be a 'good' death

TORPOINT MAN SAID HIS FATHER WANTED TO PASS AWAY AT HOME

- By ALEX DRISCOLL, MILES O'LEARY and RACHAEL DAVIS

Peter Starling

A TORPOINT man has spoken of his regret after his father died in a hospital, a place he had expressed not wanting to be. Matt Starling, 50, lost his father Peter in August following an unexpected terminal diagnosis during hospital checks after a fall.

Peter, aged 82, was believed to be in relatively good health, albeit becoming “frailer with age”, managing diabetes, and having survived several strokes.

But in late July, Peter experienced a fall at home and was unable to get up unaided, leading to paramedics being called out. Initially, it was suspected that he had a urinary infection and he remained at home to recover. However, the following day, Peter's condition worsened and he was taken to hospital.

During his hospital stay, doctors discovered that Peter had advanced leukaemia, which had gone unnoticed as he didn’t exhibit any obvious symptoms. They told his family that there was nothing they could do.

At this point, Peter expressed his wish to return home and pass away there a desire his family were previously unaware of but due to logistical issues, he died before he could be brought home.

The distress and sorrow of trying to fulfil his father's last wishes have prompted Matt to initiate discussions with his wife and 20 year old daughter about what a “good death” means to them.

“It just feels wrong, that this thing that is so inevitable,” he said. “At the end of the day, it is the one thing we can be certain of - we can’t have a conversation about,” Matt said.

“It doesn’t have to be morbid, it doesn’t have to be gloomy..