Emergency soft play dash to counter house move chaos

We've neglected the children for almost 42 hours since they enjoyed a day out at a deceptively fun-filled boat museum.

- RICHARD IRVINE

And when I say neglect, I use the term in a nice way, as opposed to the criminal court case type.

We've fed them, provided clothes, but left them to seek out their own entertainment.

In our defence, we're moving home, and if you're thinking about doing similar, don't bother.

As it turns out, I'd rather drive 270 miles a day than go through this ordeal again.

No one, apart from you, cares about making it happen by a specific date, or in any easy way, and the packing with two small children present is at best a challenge.

It was only when the process started did I uncover the full horror of what lay in the loft.

For the last 15 years, I've been simply throwing things we didn't need into the black abyss or putting them in plastic boxes to rest for eternity under the eaves, never anticipating this fateful day.