It's 2026 – get a dog...

Yes, 2026 hasn't even started and already it's shaping up to be the best year in recorded history.

- BEN TROVATO

It also shows strong signs of being the worst year ever. Could go either way. Split your bets, people.

According to the infallible Chinese zodiac, the Year of the Fire Horse makes its spirited entrance on 17 February. It's a Tuesday, so you might want to take the day off work and keep a fire extinguisher close by.

This one only comes around every 60 years and "tends to bring both good fortune and bad". Typical equine f**kery, really.

They are either grudgingly putting up with you on their back or bucking you off and kicking your head in.

According to one superstition, girls born in such a year will grow up to kill their husbands.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Twenty-six is the smallest number that is both a nontotient and a noncototient number.

There are also 26 faces of a rhombicuboctahedron. If you understand any of this, you have no business reading my column.

Googling the new year, I discovered that people were also asking: "Is 2026 a good year to have a baby?"

If you have to consult the internet about this, you absolutely shouldn't be breeding.

Also, there is no such thing as a good year to have a baby. Get a dog.