Exhausted by empathy?

A fortnightly column about emotional well-being Empathy leads us to show concern and compassion, but 'too much empathy' can leave us burnt out

- Sonali Gupta

A 33-year-old client asked me if "too much empathy" is a bad thing. "I feel empathy is one of my biggest strengths but also a weakness. I'm wondering if it tires me out sometimes and then all I want to do is hide," she said.

This is a sentiment I often hear in therapy sessions, particularly from doctors, palliative care workers, journalists, social workers, caregivers, therapists, teachers, young mothers and from people across age groups for whom empathy is a top trait.

What the client is referring to and experiencing is "empathic distress". Researchers Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki in a 2014 paper titled Empathy and Compassion mentioned how empathy can take the form of fatigue and lead to the individual wanting to safeguard themselves from the overwhelming negative feelings they experience.

We need to remember that empathy is an essential quality and yet needs to be managed so that one isn't over identifying. When not managed well, empathy can feel like a blind spot that eats into our well-being and capacity to be skilfully present for others.