Take Thy Shoes Off

Through pain, prayer, and peeling away the rust, a Kashmiri woman rediscovers her strength.

- Aisha Hasnain

Last intervening Thursday-Friday night, I was trying to impress Allah in Arabic language at quarter to 3. I struggled to remember a few words that could lend verbal expression to my thoughts:

Ana da’eef/ I am weak! Rehem, ya Rabb/ Mercy, oh Lord!

I had skipped my medication and I could not sleep. 11:30 PM, 12:30 AM, 1:30 AM and eventually I decided to take a midnight shower.

At 2:30 AM, I grabbed my prayer-mat after a long time. In about an hour, it was going to be Fajr time and hence I waited. I offered Fajr prayer and went to sleep. I had a strange dream.

My dream was about how hard I have been working to bring an end to the crisis in my life: A fire that was only rising higher despite my efforts to put it out for about two hours. Thankfully, I succeeded for most part of it.

I was heartbroken when I woke up, feeling the exhaustion in my body from the labour in my dream. By now, I understand most of my dreams. Dreams are a form of communication between my subconscious, God and me. My dreams tell me about the progress I have made and which way I am going. A strange thing it is and strange secrets it has revealed about my life.

Baba called me when I was still contemplating my dream in my bed. He asked if I knew what happened with the peach tree he bought. For a moment, I thought of taking my disheartenment out on Baba. Our hearts and minds know exactly who want to hear us. 'If you remember someone when you are happy, it means you love them. If you remember someone when you are sad, that means they love you', long back I had read somewhere. Baba is so far one of the biggest blessings and the most important man in my life.