How to overcome 'the roommate syndrome'

LONG-TERM COUPLES OFTEN FACE TIREDNESS FROM LIFE'S DEMANDS, WHICH LEADS TO DISCONNECTION AND 'ROOMMATE SYNDROME'

- Sonali Gupta

33-year-old female client tells me, "We have been married for last eight years and are happy, yet it feels like we are reduced to being roommates. We know how to co-exist and manage our children's lives and our holidays, yet our capacity for intimacy, whether its physical or emotional, is impacted. When the internet this month has been filled with messages on love, I'm wondering if there is hope for us and what can we do."

This is a constant theme that I have encountered among couples who are in long-term partnered relationships or marriage. Both research and my clinic experience show that often administrative tasks, paying bills, managing jobs, taking care of parents, children and in-laws lead to exhaustion which can lead to interpersonal distress and disconnection between couples. As a result, couples find themselves stuck in a pattern which is commonly referred to as 'the roommate syndrome'.