Republican vice cream

REPUBLICANS love to say they're the party of "family values".

- CHRISTOPHER BUCKTIN

Enter James Edwin Yokeley Jr, chairman of a North Carolina elections board, who police say laced his granddaughters' Dairy Queen ice cream with MDMA and cocaine.

At first, he claimed the girls just stumbled on the pills in their cones, but CCTV revealed it was grandpa adding the “special toppings”.

The children didn't eat them, thank goodness, but Yokeley still faces charges of food contamination, drug possession and felony child abuse.

★★★★★

A HUSBAND who staged his disappearance to run off to his foreign mistress has been jailed for exactly as long as he pretended to be dead.