IRELAND'S JOY OF SIX

Champs' three-peat on

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WHEN I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I am scared of the lights.

I'm so poor these days that before I go out, I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt. When people say: "Oh you smell good. What is that?" I say: "Page 13."

The aftershave hack comes in handy as I go on lots of dates.