Barrett J has keys to the kingdom

RUGBY is a game of infinite possibility, especially when it comes to dreaming up collective nouns. A “squabble of hookers” sounds about right, as does an “annoyance of scrum-halves”. And if we’re talking specifically of England coaching hierarchies stretching back to Old Testament times, how about a “catastrophe of selectors”?

- CHRIS HEWJETT

Other nouns are available, particularly in respect of the propping fraternity. Yet when we arrive at the midfield, a “confusion of centres” is the only conceivable choice. There is no getting away from it. Why? Because nobody quite knows what they want of their 12s and 13s.

Inside centre is particularly problematic, even in an age of positional interchanges governed by the circumstances of the moment. The A-list of genuinely great outside specialists is comparatively easy to piece together – Danie Gerber, Jeremy Guscott, Philippe Sella and Brian O’Driscoll, with big shout-outs to Tana Umaga and Conrad Smith, whose contributions to the All Blacks were poles apart but equally precious. The great 12s? That’s more of a head-scratcher.

Those of a certain age – that is to say, decrepit old has-beens like your columnist – can talk fondly of Mike Gibson, one of the quietly magnificent rugby intellectuals responsible for the Lions’ one and only series victory in New Zealand. We should also mention the wondrous Didier Codorniou, “le petit prince”, whose pass was a thing of such exquisite beauty, it prompted the Wallaby maestro Mark Ella (who knew a thing or two about weight, timing and soft hands) to describe him as “the best”.