Let's embrace vulnerability in dating

AS A DATING COACH AND THE DIRECTOR OF RELATIONship science at Hinge, I often hear from people who feel like there's something big they need to disclose on early dates-chronic illness, mental-health struggles, college debt, family estrangement, lack of romantic experience, or trauma.

- LOGAN URY

They worry these parts of their lives make them undatable. They don't know how to share this information, and worry they'll be rejected. They tense up on dates, waiting for the inevitable moment when the awkward topic will arise. Or they avoid dates altogether.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Because your vulnerability, when shared intentionally and authentically, can make you feel powerful, not powerless.

Research shows that we're attracted to vulnerability because of what psychologists call the "beautiful mess effect"-a phenomenon in which we tend to judge our own displays of vulnerability more negatively than others do. What feels to us like exposing our weakness through vulnerability, others tend to see as an act of bravery and authenticity.