Hard to Please

Dealing with Difficult People

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Difficult people are everywhere. It is impossible to avoid them in our lives – those individuals whose behaviour almost seems designed to provoke, frustrate or unsettle us. Whether it is the passive-aggressive coworker, the controlling family member, the incessant complainer, or the downright rude stranger, dealing with difficult people is an inevitable part of life. While we may not be able to change such individuals, we can certainly change how we respond to them. And in doing so, we can protect our own mental and emotional health, foster better outcomes, and even grow in the process. Charles Swindoll, a renowned evangelical Christian pastor, author, educator and radio preacher once said, "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." Let us take a look at how we can manage that "90%" when it comes to facing difficult people.

UNDERSTANDING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

At the heart of managing difficult people is understanding them. It is easy to label someone as "toxic" or "impossible," but such labels often conceal more than they reveal. People behave the way they do for a reason. Difficult behaviour is often a reflection of inner turmoil, unmet needs, fear or learned survival strategies. For example, the chronic interrupter may be craving attention or validation, while the aggressive boss might be masking deep insecurity. Equally, the manipulative friend may have grown up in an environment where control equals to safety. While these insights do not excuse bad behaviour, they do offer a more compassionate framework for dealing with it.