All Trap, No Glimmer

Dakota Johnson can't convince us-or herself that this Spider-tale is worth spinning.

- ALISON WILLMORE

LIKE ANY TRUE daughter of Hollywood, Dakota Johnson is a professional who understands that you have to work with the material you've got. Her breakthrough role as Anastasia Steele in the Fifty Shades movies was a triumph of never holding herself above lines like "Punish me! Show me how bad it can be!" or the requirement to bite her lip so frequently she must have needed balm after every take. But even Johnson has her limits, and Madame Web, one of Sony's attempts to build out its own Spider-verse, blows so far past them that you can practically guess which scenes were shot last based on the degree to which its star has given up. In some sequences, Johnson gamely gives Math Lady meme face as her character, Cassandra Webb, tries to accept and understand the precognitive powers she's developing. In others, she recites her lines with the resignation of someone who has come to terms with appearing in a real stinker. Girl, give us nothing! No, seriously, there's no point in doing anything more.