Lessons From Elaine

What this ex-governor learned about caregiving after his wife of 46 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

- By MARTY SCHREIBER

IT WAS LOVE at first sight. From the moment we met in Latin class our freshman year at Lutheran High School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in the fall of 1953, I knew I wanted to marry Elaine Ruth Thaney and spend the rest of my life with her.

Elaine was an A student, cheerleader and member of the synchronized swimming team. She even took up the drums. (She later told me she did it so she could be in the school band with me.) We dated through high school and college and married in 1961. Elaine planned to become a teacher but put her studies on hold so she could work to support us while I went to law school. She was my biggest champion during my years as a state senator, then lieutenant governor. Elaine went back to college in the mid-1970s and finished her education degree. In 1977, I became the thirty-ninth governor of Wisconsin. She managed my schedule, raised our four children, hosted dinner parties and welcomed championship sports teams and dignitaries such as Lillian Carter to the Executive Residence. Somehow Elaine made it all look effortless. When I lost the next election and transitioned from politics to running my own government relations firm, she never let me feel defeated. I always say, If it weren’t for her, there wouldn’t be me.

Having married so young, we were empty nesters by our early fifties. She took care of me as I recovered from non-Hodgkin lymphoma, sailed with me from Florida to New York, and together we volunteered for organizations around town. Such good times! We thought they would last forever.

But in her mid-sixties, the first signs came that something was wrong. Elaine got lost on her way home from the grocery store and left out key ingredients in dishes she'd cooked for years. Her interest in long-held hobbies withered. In 2007, the diagnosis came: Alzheimer’s. Eventually she forgot the people she loved most—her friends, our children and grandchildren...even me.