What I've learned - Rob Delaney

THEY TALK ABOUT HOW WE MISS PEOPLE

- RYAN D'AGOSTINO

ACTOR, 45, LONDON

PEOPLE WON'T ALWAYS THINK OF ME just as the dad whose child died. They think of me that way now, maybe. But that won't last forever. And then one day when they don't, I'll wonder, Why aren't they thinking of me that way anymore?

WE WERE LOOKING FOR AN OLD CELL-PHONE CHARGER the other day, and my oldest son found one of Henry's tracheostomy tubes. This custom-made, state-of-the-art thing, exactly made for his little throat. It was like a little magician had poofed into the room. I thought, Look at that thing that tortured us, tortured him, but also helped him breathe. It was a heavy moment. And I loved it.

THEY TALK ABOUT HOW WE MISS PEOPLE in grief because we love them. Yeah, well, we also rage, and we also want to walk down the street smashing windshields with a baseball bat and then commit suicide by cop. That's another part of love. And that's normal.

I LIKE TO WRITE ALONE. But I like to write with other people better. Even if that other person is just sitting there doing nothing.

_ANGER IS THE SHAMEFUL EMOTION THESE DAYS. Particularly as men. An angry man is a bad man! I wouldn't say an angry man is a bad man. An angry man can certainly be a destructive man. An angry man can hurt people. But I think we need to look at, well, why? And then work through it to get to love.