KEEPING THE PEACE

Rosie Green offers her advice for staying calm when the reality of a family Christmas fails to live up to expectations

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Christmas is a time of year when the gap between expectation and reality widens to a chasm. The dream is a content family in Ralph Lauren-esque garb merrily chatting around a beautifully tablescaped dinner. This meal will be sophisticated and served at the perfect temperature. Afterwards, you will open a present from your beloved that makes your heart leap.

When this is very much not the case – think squabbling siblings, cremated sprouts and a practical gift (despite your request for nothing with a plug) - it can be crushing. Add to this in-laws who want you to accommodate their traditions (horrifying because, as we all know, the way your family does Christmas is the only way) and you have relationship friction.

I got a divorce to sideline the “in-laws at Christmas” issue (joking: that wasn’t the reason, but it is an upside) and have learnt that planning, lowering expectations and saying no earlier makes for smoother sailing with my boyfriend.

But for more comprehensive (OK, better) advice, I’ve asked the couples therapist Joanna Harrison - the author of Five Arguments All Couples (Need To) Have: And Why the Washing-Up Matters - for help.