SECOND EXTINCTION

For anyone who thought Muldoon was the hero of Jurassic Park

- Alex Spencer

The Ankylosaurus roamed the plains of what is now North America in the late Cretaceous period. It weighed as much as a pair of rhinos, and put their thick skin and horns to shame with an armored shell and bony club at the end of its tail that could sweep predators’ legs from under them.

Seventy million years later, it was discovered by a Victorian palaeontologist named after—of all people—PT Barnum, the circus barker from that Hugh Jackman musical. And a century after that, I’ve just managed to get one tipped onto its back, and am hastily emptying my minigun’s entire belt feed into the glowing weak spot on its exposed belly. (Oddly enough, this tactic is kind of historically accurate, minigun aside—flipping an Ankylosaur tortoise-style was the only way predators could get past that armor plating.)