A Pain In The ARS

Runners have more in common with their bowels than they think.

- Bruce Pinnock

THE MAIN REASONS people take up running are to get fit, lose weight, or win a bet they made after drinking 14 beers. But a CEO called Collin, who we encountered on one of our trundles, gave the most bizarre reason of all: he announced he had taken up the sport because doctors had advised him it would be good for his bowels.

Collin was a short, balding fellow. Although he was huffing and puffing, and in obvious distress – maybe it was his bowels – he was running with what I can only describe as… purpose. Collin was earnest. Collin was grimacing. Collin was serious.

Ah, I observed, secretly delighted. Collin is suffering more than we are!

My thoughts seemed to echo around the group, because we were all quick to form a circle around him.

“Are you okay?” asked Zack, solicitously.

(Zack had adopted a concerned tone of voice, which disguised the fact that he was revelling in Collin’s suffering.)

“I hate running!” were the first comprehensible words to come out of Collin’s mouth.

“China, it looks like running hates