Clear The Way For Loving Intimacy

Anita Chaudhuri examines meaningful and fulfilling romantic connection and, with the help of experts, identifies three unconscious worries that may be standing in the way of you finding and keeping the love you deserve

- Anita Chaudhuri

There’s a quotation about love from that renowned philosopher and sage Dr. Seuss. ‘You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.’ Who wouldn’t want that? The problem is that creating and sustaining deep relationships requires more than a wish and a prayer. For many of us, our blocks to deep connection can stop us from experiencing the intimacy that we crave.

Why do we struggle to get out of our own way in this regard? For insight, I turn to Divine Charura, psychotherapist and co-author of the anthology Love And Therapy: In Relationship (Taylor & Francis, £24.99). ‘For thousands of years, playwrights, musicians, actors, poets, religious leaders and others have been trying to get to the bottom of what love is and how romantic relationships work. The trouble is, there is no all-encompassing definition for either. All we can do is give a snippet of what the components are in the here and now.’

We know that true love – the feeling we long for – is intimacy, but what is that? How does Charura define it? ‘I’d say it is about deep connection and openness. It’s about having knowledge of the other person and emotional awareness around their feelings. It’s about having the trust to share things about yourself with your partner that other people may not know. It’s about having a closeness and concern for your partner and their wellbeing.’