Navigating The After Effects Of Intimacy

Afterplay is as important as foreplay, and dysphoria after a sexual encounter can feel overwhelming. It’s not sex gone wrong, and it’s definitely not you

- Sakshi Tickoo

Sex is amazing, right? All forms, in all its glory, have a lasting positive impact on all aspects of our life. But have you ever had sex that didn't relax you, or make you feel happy or content? It's okay, most of us have been there. It's 2022, and it's time we normalise the it's not you” part of this conversation. Today, we'll talk about the other side of good sex - dysphoria.

Medically, this that wasn't the way I thought it would be” feeling is I called post-coital tristesse or postcoital dysphoria. What it means is that sex doesn't relax you, or make you feel happy. Instead, it makes you feel crappy, sad, and all the other emotions and feelings you do not intend to feel.

It sounds like sex gone wrong, doesn't it? However, it's not. One can have the most amazing time pleasuring oneself and others, and still feel a broad range of emotions like angry, sad, disconnected, etc. after the act. There is no one reason why people witness this, but it is definitely a signal that we need to look inwards.

Sex educators worldwide will agree with me when I say that we need to change the idea that sex is just about what our genitals can do. Sex first happens in our minds, and later physically. We each have our own individual sexual script that dictates how we believe sex should go. We have learned these scripts over time through everything we have experienced, say with books, movies, media, past/current relationships, peer advice, etc.