The Man With Perfect Manners

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MOST PEOPLE DON’T notice I’m polite, which is the point. I don’t look polite. I am big and droopy and need a haircut. No soul would associate me with watercress sandwiches. Still, every year or so, someone takes me aside and says, “You actually are weirdly polite, aren’t you?” I always thrill. They noticed.

The complimenters don’t always formulate it gently. Two years ago, at the end of an arduous corporate project, my office mate turned to me and said, “When we started working together, I thought you were a terrible suck-up.”

She frowned. “But it actually helped get things done. It was a strategy.”

My co-worker was surprised to see the stubborn power of politeness over time. Over time. That’s the thing. Mostly we talk about politeness in the moment: please; thank you; no, go ahead; I like your hat; sir, ma’am, etc. All good but fleeting.