How Dating A Trans Man Changed My Beauty Habits

In high school, I remember driving up to my first boyfriend’s house, putting the car in park, peeking in the rearview mirror, and noticing that the breakout on my forehead was still visible, despite the layers of concealer I had applied. Just 50 feet away from his front door, I texted, “Hey, sorry. I’m feeling sick all of a sudden.…I have to cancel.”

- Kate Foster

It wouldn’t be the last time a guy would influence how my appearance impacted my choices. My college boyfriend, a drummer, rarely saw me without thick eyeliner and black lipstick. Later, when I started dating in New York City, my Tinder matches were always served the same look: smoky eyes, nude gloss, beachy waves. I subconsciously prioritized the version of “hot” I thought would please whoever I was dating over being myself. Meanwhile, at my job as—of all things— a magazine beauty editor (where I work almost exclusively with women), I wore what made me happiest: bedhead, a bright lip, and a dash of glittery eye shadow.

The Gender Jail