LOVE, REST, AND PERSONAL SPACE

Why more couples are choosing separate bedrooms

- Dr. Jyoti Sharma

I went to stay at my friend Neera’s place for a couple of days. Neera and Nirav are the happiest married couple in our friend circle. In their early forties, they both have interesting and well-paid jobs. Neera is a fashion designer, while Nirav is an investment banker. They have a three-bedroom apartment in Mumbai, which is quite a luxury, in a metro city. During my stay at their place, I woke up one morning after a restful and comfortable sleep, and saw Neera and Nirav come out from different bedrooms! I was surprised and worried about their relationship. Later when I was alone with Neera, I hesitatingly asked her, “Is everything right with you and Nirav? Why do you sleep in different bedrooms?”

Neera laughed out aloud and said, “The Key to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms.” My eyes widened in surprise, but this line stayed with me for a long time, and I wondered if there was any truth in this thought. I decided to explore this unique perspective.

We rarely discuss the issue of how couples sleep and what is the impact of sleeping style on a couple’s marital relationship. In almost all cultures, it is assumed that married couples should sleep together in one bed. The first night of a couple when the bride and groom share a bedroom for the first time, is the beginning of a lifelong commitment for sharing a single bed. The Initial days are crucial for building a marital relationship, and sharing a bed helps in physical and emotional intimacy. If the couple is living in a joint family, then the bedroom is the only place where they get privacy. In such a scenario, sharing a bedroom and a bed becomes a necessity.