WHY I CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND

Infidelity broke her marriage but Alex Croxford, 42, says it ultimately changed her life for the better

- Elaine Hayward

Walking down the aisle towards my husband-to-be, I felt a warm glow of happiness as I thought, 'This is the man I'm going to spend forever with.' Our wedding day was the kind you see in movies complete with big white dress, nine-piece band and silent disco. When I gave a speech about my love for him, I meant every word.

By then, we'd been together six years and from the outside we seemed like the perfect couple. We had the same sense of fun, loved nights out and weekends away with friends, and we hardly argued. People said that was a blessing but looking back now, maybe it was part of the problem. We avoided conflict at all costs.

A few months after the wedding, we were ready to start a family so I came off the pill.

MONTHLY HEARTACHE

I expected it to happen straightaway but it didn't. My cycle was erratic and ovulation impossible to track. Every month brought heartbreak and for the first time in my life, working harder didn't guarantee success.

At 34, I had a high-flying career as a TV executive, a four-bed house in London and a collection of designer handbags. On the surface, I looked like I had it all but underneath I was desperate to stay in control. I rarely showed my emotions, but one day I broke down at home after an appointment with the doctor who advised us to join the waiting list for IVF.

'I don't want to,' I cried as my husband tried his best to comfort me.

We did join the IVF list but instead of facing my infertility, I ran from it, burying myself in work and exercising obsessively. I drank more and partied harder. Then I did something I never imagined I would...