HONEY, I'M (GOING) HOME!

Whether it's down to job opportunities, tough family dynamics, or just the need to maintain a bit of solo time and independence, many committed couples choose to live apart. What's it like to be part of a 'weekend marriage'?

- Nicci Botha

Domestic bliss isn't always all it's cracked up to be. Which is why offbeat celeb couple Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton were nearly as famous for their living arrangement as they were for their movies. During their 13-year relationship, they kept separate his-and-hers homes linked by a communal area. In a 2010 interview, Helena said the arrangement was purely practical. He snores; she talks too much. He's an insomniac who needs the television on to fall asleep; she needs silence. 'We see as much of each other as any couple, but our relationship is enhanced by knowing we have our personal space to retreat to. It's not enforced intimacy. It's chosen, which is quite flattering - if you can afford it,' she said.

While their setup raised eyebrows at the time, the notion of living apart together (LAT) - where couples in a committed relationship choose to live apart - is becoming more mainstream. And it's not just because of the day-to-day annoyances of cohabitation, although the toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle may (quite rightly) be a trigger for some.

In Japan, a similar trend called sotsukon, meaning 'graduation from marriage', is gaining momentum. It's more common among empty-nesters who no longer want to cohabit and want the freedom to pursue their own interests, without the stigma of divorce. At the same time, more young Japanese couples are choosing commuter or weekend relationships, often living in different cities to focus on their individual careers. In 2022, Japan recorded about 12.6 million dual households, reflecting a clear shift towards non-traditional living arrangements.

Although South Africa has a legacy of couples being forced to live apart due to labour migration and other apartheid-era policies, there's little data available to pinpoint couples who are choosing LAT relationships. That's not to say it's not happening - perhaps just on a smaller scale than the global norm.