When Needs Must

Nonviolent Communication, now also known as Compassionate Communication and Needs-based Relating, was developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, who firmly believed that people enjoy contributing to one another’s well-being more than anything else. Through an emphasis on deep listening, NVC helps us to learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others, and discover the depth of our compassion. It brings an awareness that all of us are trying to honor universal values and needs, every minute, every day.

-  VANESSA PATEL , AMRUTA and ANANYA

Needs Consciousness is one of the core pillars of NVC, where Dr. Rosenberg suggests “all human actions are an attempt to meet needs.” Things like respect, acceptance, security, contributing to others, belonging, learning, relaxation, harmony, and many more - we all share. Here, VANESSA PATEL and her daughters AMRUTA and ANANYA explore needs, including what they are, and how we experience them in everyday life.

Vanessa: The word “need” sometimes has different meanings. For example, “needs” can be interpreted as being needy. So how can we better understand needs in the NVC context? And perhaps we can look at other words we can use instead of “needs.”

Ananya: Needs are also our values, the fundamental human motivators, our longings, yearnings, aspirations. They can be seen as energies that bring nourishment and add value to our lives. They are motivators that drive what we do and what we say. It is important to understand that needs are universal, and they’re experienced by every human being, though we may experience different needs at different times and with varied intensity. Very importantly, needs are always expressed positively because they’re life-nourishing. There is no such thing as a negative need.

Amruta: Since needs are universal and experienced by everyone, they give us an opportunity to connect and empathize with the experiences of others. All our actions are an attempt to meet our needs, and this consciousness can help us look beyond what someone says or does, to connect with why they may be doing that, or what might be motivating them to say something in particular.