What is Love? Once More

DR. ICHAK ADIZES observes how his understanding of love has evolved, and explores the question, "How can we develop love?"

- 

For years I have been promoting the theory that change causes disintegration, and disintegration is manifested in what we call problems. The solution to problems caused by disintegration is integration based on mutual trust and respect. Mutual trust enables symbiosis; we contribute because we trust that others will contribute to the system too, so we will all benefit from the contribution we made. And when there is mutual respect, we learn from each other's differences, and create synergy.

A sustainable solution to problems caused by disintegration is integration, for which we need to create and nurture a culture of mutual trust and respect. And I reasoned, absolute integration is absolute mutual trust and respect, and that is LOVE. And love solves all problems, as my mother used to say. I was wrong.

Trust and respect are processes we run through our brain; I respect you because I can learn from you, and I trust you because we have common interest. Great. Good But that is not love. Love is not computing what you get out of a relationship: Do we have common interest so I can trust you, and will I learn from you if I respect your difference of opinion? Love is not sexual attractiveness and passion either. Those are physiological feelings. Love is based on compassion, on caring with no benefits expected.